Before and After I Do
by AExupery
Summary: Falling in love is one thing. Staying in love is another. But falling out of love is never really a choice. Snowbarry Soulmate. AU.
1. Chapter 1

"Oh, would you look at that. My beautiful boy is finally getting married."

A fulfilled, blissful smile made its way to enlighten his features, with it a promise of permanence that he knew would magnify the crinkles at the corner of his eyes but surprisingly he didn't find it disturbing as he usually did before. He was always worried they'd be those ugly physical markers when he reached that ripe age where people would call him _old_. Thus, her vindicated accusation of him having an 80-year old soul trapped in his body.

He would just laugh with her whenever she would tease him about it, never once did he argue for he knew, she was right. But sometimes, he'd pretend to be offended just so he could have the privilege of being on the receiving end of her half-hearted pampering. But nonetheless, he knew he never had felt the need to demand for her affections because it's always been overflowing, enveloping his entire being with warmth all over.

He would've gladly mused about every thing he adores about her if it's not for the opening of the door, signaling that it's finally time for that long-awaited moment of his life to come through.

He took a deep breath, his nerves in tangled knots as he waited patiently for her. The music starts and he couldn't help the tears taunting to spill from his very eyes. He knew she would tease him all about it later but seriously - who could even judge him when she walks down the aisle, looking like a divinity sent from the high heavens just for him?

His hand went to subconsciously caress that specific finger where her name was beautifully etched, reminding him that she's always been destined to be his even before this day.

When she finally, _finally_ , got within arm's reach, he didn't hesitate to take her hand in his, only to disappear as he was yet woken up from his slumber.

 _It was only just a dream._

"Ugh, not again." He whined, his face contorting into a frown upon realizing that he's only dreaming. Again.

Groaning as looked accusingly at the blaring alarm clock, he hunched over to turn it off, tapping it more forcefully than he would've had any other day.

He buried his head under the pillow in frustration, sighing as he touched his ring finger longingly. He wondered if he'll ever have what his parents found in each other - the bond, the passion and the undying love that holds them together. They were one of the many lucky people who had been able to find their match, fell in love and stood by each other with a promise of forever.

As he grew older, his understanding of finding the one destined for you has flourished as well and he holds onto that hope that he'll find his soulmate as his parents did - the one whom he can rightfully call as his.

But as the years go by, so does his hope of finding the one for him.

"When will I meet you, love? Or...will I ever get the chance to meet you?" He pursed his lips, eyeing his left ring finger where he knew her name would appear once they got to know each other.

Gathering all his might to get out of bed, he took a quick shower, went through his morning routine before finishing up the last few things he needed to pack up. He was due for a flight later in the afternoon, having been called the last minute to take over a case he hasn't gone over yet.

When he decided that everything's where he wanted it to be, he headed downstairs, forcing a smile to come up as he was greeted by his parents.

"Morning, slugger." Henry lowered the newspaper he's been reading, taking a sip of his coffee as he sat comfortably on the couch in the living room.

"Hey, dad." He greeted back, making his way to the kitchen where his mom is waiting with breakfast.

"My beautiful boy." She stood up and gave him a quick hug, the look on his face is something his mom could read very well. "How'd you sleep?"

Barry shrugged, "Good."

Nora held his shoulders gently, "Same dream again?"

He let out a heavy sigh, knowing there's no point in hiding anything from his mom. "You could say that."

"Oh, Barry. Remember what I always tell you?"

Those words alone were enough to put a genuine smile on his face. Although he grew up witnessing the wonders of finding your life partner and the happiness it brings to one's life, his parents always made sure to let him know that it wasn't always rainbows and butterflies, sometimes you've got to weather the storm to achieve true happiness.

Their love story was his favorite bedtime story of all time, never getting tired of hearing it every night. And now that he'd reached an age of understanding what love truly meant, he couldn't help but imagine himself telling his future kids of what his own story turned out to be, hoping it'll be as beautiful as his parents had.

Truth be told, he'd already made an outline of it in his mind, every detail tucked away in his heart. He'd start by telling them that he was seven when he first learned what soulmates are and all the wonderful things about it.

He'd tell them how, even at a very young age, did he first felt the need to look for her - that overwhelming feeling of knowing that there's someone out there, made just for you, all excited and zealous to be with you as you are with them.

Then, he'd tell them that he was eleven when he first felt the burning sensation on his left ring finger where, as his parents informed him about, the name of your soulmate would appear at the first touch, glow at the first kiss then be permanently etched on your skin when the soulmate bond has been established.

He remembered how he was so excited to go to the newly opened science museum back then, not even having a clue that it'll be the first interaction they'll ever had. He didn't know how or when it actually happened but then, there's this warmth coming from his finger, letters of a name displaying but were also fleeting as fast as he could blink.

 _"Mom!"_ He had exclaimed, running towards his mother with his hand held high as he filled his parents presence with words after words of wonder and awe.

 _"Mom! I've seen it! I've seen her name, my soulmate's name!"_ He had said, jumping up and down as he could not contain his excitement.

 _"I think there was an a on it!"_ He had beamed, ever so sure until he wasn't. _"Or...was it a d? Uhm, I wasn't so sure anymore. It was very fast but I'm sure I saw it."_

The worried look on his face was eventually turned into a hopeful smile when his mom just hugged him, whispering words of encouragement to never give up and the display of confidence she has that he'll find her when the right time comes never failed to lift up his spirit.

Going back to the present, he hugged his mom whispering a 'thank you' for the renewed hope he knew he'd always find in her.

"I'm sure you'll find her very soon." Nora said, smiling genuinely to her son. "And who knows, maybe she's just right around the corner."

"I do hope, mom."

And she wasn't wrong.

* * *

Arriving at Coast City, he headed straight to the hotel he was told to stay in. He hasn't been briefed thoroughly about the case he was going to handle so he was a little surprised when the cab driver drop him off to a very well crowded beach.

It was just the beginning of summer, meaning, people would most likely spend their time enjoying the beach. Truth be told, he found the place very relaxing - a perfect place to spend his vacation if only he wasn't here because his job.

It didn't take him long to find the hotel he's going to stay at, as it was one of the most popular one in the place. He took a mental note of taking back his first assessment of their department's planning skills, rather the lack of it, when it comes to organizing out of town accommodations when he learned that he'll be staying at an exclusive penthouse suite.

Feeling like his stay here was not going to be so bad after all, he excitedly went to the top floor, eyes widening at the exuberant sight he came face to face to.

The beach, together with the seemingly unending shoreline, flaunted its marvelous view from the floor to ceiling window of the suite. The whole room was architectured to have an open space design, the furniture touched with a modern homey look. And Barry took a mental note that it would be very pleasing to have a vacation house near the beach. Maybe not as grand as this one but something that would remind him of home would be very much appreciated.

Putting his luggage at the master's bedroom, he immediately went to the bathroom to grant himself a well-deserved bath. The 4-hour flight had taken a toll on him and what better way to relax than to take advantage of the enormous bathtub in a very sophisticated bathroom just waiting for him to lose himself into.

He didn't mind the time he spent just laying down on the tub and if it wasn't for the wrinkles forming on his skin from soaking in the water for too long, he finally decided to rinse in the shower.

He was in the middle of humming a tune when he thought he heard something. But after a few minutes of complete silence, he went back to scrubbing, along with belting out a Lady Gaga song.

And if it wasn't for the opening of the door, he wouldn't have known that he wasn't alone all this time.

His first instinct was to scream, ready himself to defend in case the intruder was indeed a robber or a cold-blooded murderer. He'd been a CSI for a long time anyways, so felt his speculations could be justified even when he's being a little over the top.

But what he saw was the complete opposite of what he had in mind. Well, maybe except for the intention to hurt because she was looking so ready to throw something at him. And mind you, he would've easily determine the object she's holding and the possible scenarios of it becoming a murder weapon (CSI thinking, he couldn't help it), of it wasn't for the way she had him captivated.

She has those eyes, enormous expressive doe eyes in an alluring shade of hazelnut, just enough to reach deep within his soul for an eternity. Those wavy caramel-colored locks just looked so soft and silky, making his fingers twitch in anticipation of what they might feel like when caressed. And don't get him started with the face, because there will be no words that could do justice at how breathtaking she looked.

He didn't know how long they were staring at each other but he didn't mind. That is, until her eyes went traveling south, making his skin burn as if she was touching him just by looking. He doesn't usually feel so entitled to show off his well sculpted body but by the way she was ogling him (again, just an assumption from his CSI observation skills), he couldn't help but smirk at her reaction until her eyes start widening for a very different reason and he was afraid he knows why.

"Ahhh! Oh, my goodness!" She screamed, one hand coming up to cover her eyes as the other stayed firm, holding what he could distinguish now as a candle holder.

He immediately looked for something to cover himself up with, only to mentally smack himself for he had foolishly left his towel on the chair facing the vanity mirror.

And the vanity mirror just happens to be behind her.

"Don't you dare step closer to me or I swear, I'm gonna smack you with this!" She held up the candle holder towards him, trying to act intimidating when she couldn't even look him in the eye.

Barry would've found the whole situation amusing if he wasn't standing naked in front of probably the most beautiful woman he had even seen, taunting to crack his skull open with a very innocent-looking candle holder.

"Miss, calm down. I don't know what you're doing here but-" He started moving towards her, rather the vanity table when she swung the candle holder in hopes of protecting herself.

"Stop! I said don't come near me!"

"But I was just-"

"Ahhh!" She blindly came onto him, hitting him with all her might but due to the way she refused to look at his naked glory, he was able to grab hold of her hand, spinning her around so he was restraining her from behind. His one hand covering her mouth, while the other had her wrist pinned on his side.

"Miss, I'm going to ask you again to calm down. I can assure you that I'm not a bad person. I won't hurt you but I need you to promise me..." He trailed off, that familiar burning sensation he felt all those years ago has just come back, taking them both by surprise.

He mindlessly dropped the hand covering her mouth, spinning her around with their left hands still clasped tightly together. He felt a surge of warmth enveloping him from inside out, a sense of fullness, passion and commitment overwhelming his entire being as he looked at what was once a blank patch of skin on his finger.

"You're...my soulmate." He blinked back his surprise, making sure he wasn't imagining it again. He had been so keen on finding his soulmate that sometimes, he feels like his mind is just playing tricks on him.

But this time, as the black ink of her name stared right back at him, he knew it was real, _very real_ , this time.

" _Mine_. My..."

He was screaming her name in his mind, but his tongue was too afraid not to do justice to way her enchanting name should sound upon saying out loud.

But he did, nonetheless.

"Caitlin."

* * *

 **AN: Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I've always wanted to write a Snowbarry Soulmate AU but I couldn't decide on what storyline to follow since the possibilities in a universe like this is endless but I now, I finally came up with something so I hope you'll enjoy reading this one. Comments and suggestions are always welcome.**

 **-A**


	2. Chapter 2

"Caitlin."

A sensation she never felt before surged through her entire being. She was very much aware of having her name called by so many people, a thousand times in different ways but never did it made her feel like this. It was like her name has found its place in his tongue, waiting to just be uttered in perfection.

Amazingly, she feels so warm all over, suddenly aware of the man standing behind her. His energy radiating from his features, burning in stark contrast to her own cold interior. She shivers as the thought of him being so alive and breathing, hot and soaking and very, _very much_ naked behind her had her whole body in trance.

The warning bells in her head started wailing, reminding her that this is it – this is where she runs.

But she couldn't.

Not when she felt like she just found home – that she had just been completed.

Nonetheless, she felt her whole body becoming rigid, the walls she built have strengthened enough with time and before he could recognize what was happening, she's running away from him.

She didn't dare look back, not even once when she had heard him calling after her, _pleading_ for her to stay. She knew there's no escaping him or fate for that matter because how on earth would they end up in the same place at the same time with each of their names embedded on the other's skin if not for destiny?

She almost scolded herself for the choice of word. She never believed in destiny – maybe just once but look where it had got her now. Undeniably, she's a product of a soulmate bond, of love that should last forever but it took seven agonizing years for her to realize that it wasn't what it always seemed to be.

Her parents had been soulmates and as the tale goes, they lived a blissful life, was blessed with a beautiful child whom they called as their little snow angel but unfortunately for them and more especially for her, they never reached their part of the happy ending.

Her father died when she was young, too young to even fathom that the man she looked up to, loved with all of her being is slowly dying before her eyes, succumbing to the relentless power of a diseases that her mother tried so hard to combat with her own set of skills and brilliance. It had been an agonizing two-year battle but they ended up losing, taking everything away from her and mother while all she could do was watch and deal with the aftermath of losing someone.

After losing her father, her mother was never the same. It seemed like when he left, he took her mother's soul with him and once again, she found herself unable to do anything but watch. She witnessed how her mother turned cold, distant and unfeeling – forgetting that she's still there, that she never left like her father did.

She had forgotten to be her mother and eventually, she had forgotten how to be herself.

And that, that's what scared her the most.

Being the wiser, she decided she won't fall in the same pit her mother had, won't go through the pain of having then losing. She won't ever gamble with destiny and love if her soul and being would be the one at stake. So when destiny had caught up to her, she knew it's up to her to save herself from the upcoming pain and agony – from him.

But what she didn't know was, he'd be her saving grace from all the things she expected him to bring.

He'd be her everything, utterly and undeniably _hers_.

After an hour or so of contemplating about how her stay in this island would never be the same as she initially expected it to be, she found herself strolling down the shoreline back to the hotel. She was a bit surprised at how far her feet carried her and it wasn't until she felt rocks on her toes that she realized she must've reached the far side of the resort.

Nevertheless, she had a peaceful time deliberating on what she should do and perhaps the weight on her left finger had urged her to come up with a strong and firm decision she knew she was certain of long before.

She won't let destiny and a soulmate bond decide for her life. She would choose her own path, carve her own future and right now, that future is not with him.

After calming herself down and finalizing the plan she had in mind, she went to the receptionist of the hotel, willing her plan to materialize. She knew there is some misunderstanding that had happened which caused them to be put on the same suite so without wasting any more time, she went straight to the hotel lobby and talked to the concierge.

"Hi, excuse me. I'd like to report an issue." She smiled at the blonde woman sitting behind the desk, suddenly being reminded of the times she would spend at her grandma's as the receptionist shared the same gentle eyes.

"What can I do for you, my dear?"

"Uhm, I think there's been a misunderstanding with the reservations on the penthouse suite. I checked in earlier and when I got there, I found…" She trailed off, reminiscing the events from earlier. She tried not to blush upon remembering that she did find _something_ rather someone that wasn't supposed to be there or wasn't supposed to be _flaunted_ right before her very eyes.

She cleared her throat, "I found someone else already occupying the room."

"Is that so? I guess there has been some mix ups with the reservations but let me double check for you." The elderly woman turned to the monitor beside her, eyes scanning for the records in the computer.

She nodded a thank you as she watched the woman work with ease. She bites her lip in anticipation waiting for the receptionist to come up with an answer.

"Oh! There's actually a miscue on the reservations as it says here that the penthouse suite is reserved under two names." Tess, as she read on her name tag, said, her brows furrowed in confusion mirroring hers. "I'm really sorry Miss Snow. This is the first time something like this happened in our hotel but I assure you we'd do everything to sort things out."

"I understand but could you please-"

"Caitlin!"

A voice rang through the hotel lobby, making her sigh deeply upon knowing who exactly that voice belongs to. Her mind told her to keep her guard up but her traitorous heart had been beating much faster the instant she recognized the voice.

She's very well aware that it's their soulmate's bond doing and even if she tries so hard to justify that she won't ever feel that way about him if it wasn't for the fact that it was his name marked on her left finger, she couldn't deny the truth that the soulmate bond does not force you to do something, it just strengthens your initial feelings and emotions toward your soulmate.

And she hates herself for feeling giddy just because he has graced her with his presence.

Before Caitlin could react, she was engulfed in a tight hug, a scent of man she's grown too familiar with in an instant evaded her lungs, making her want to melt right there and then.

"God, Caitlin, I was so worried about you." He squeezed her tightly, not minding if they had just met a few hours ago as he kissed the top of her head. He held her protectively, all the while whispering sweet nothings to her ear. "I know what happened earlier was a surprise and I'm really not good at handling surprises either but when you ran, I felt so bad. Did I do something wrong?"

Caitlin just stood frozen in his arms, dealing with an inner turmoil for she wasn't exactly sure what to feel or what to say. She didn't know what to expect when you find your soulmate for it was never her intention nor her desire to find him but what she didn't expect was for him to come on so strong, so straightforward and just plain _affectionate_ – which truth be told, was the complete opposite of her.

She's used to being reserved, calm and collected, almost _unfeeling_ after losing someone she loves over and over again. Gone was her warm, expressive eyes. Gone was her touch, always soothing and calming. And most especially, gone was her heart. Her heart that had always been forgiving, understanding and just entirely selfless. Now, she's just a shell of what she used to be – a hollow vessel of humanity that had gone through too much heartache for a lifetime.

It took everything in her to push him away, gently as she looked up directly into his eyes. She almost cried upon seeing how beautiful they are, so full of life and adoration that she knew could haunt her in her sleep. How could she ever say no to those ever sincere eyes? How could she push through with her decision of letting him down when he looks at her like that? Like she was the stars and the moon, like she was everything to him?

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. I just…I didn't know what to make of the situation. That's all."

She didn't know if she chose the right words because right after that, his eyes were clouded with pain – something she'll never admit she'd do anything to relieve him from.

"What situation? You mean, finding me as your soulmate?" He withdraws his hands from her sides, suddenly feeling cold at the lost of his warmth. What has he done to her?

She eyed the way he turned slightly away from her, head bowed down as rubbed one hand on the back of his neck. Her fingers twitch at her sides, itching to caress his face, make him look at her and tell him that he's all she's ever wanted to be with. But she stops herself, knowing it would be unfair to him especially if she doesn't mean any of it. Or…does she?

"No, no. It's not like that." She starts but the look on his eyes tells her that he he'd appreciate the truth more than anything right now. "Okay, it's somehow related to that but right now, there's something more important that we need to attend to."

He almost wanted to ask what was more important than meeting your soulmate but he decided not to push the issue. "Okay, what is it? Is everything okay? Are you okay-"

"I'm fine." She cuts him off, feeling a bit regretful for being harsh but she knew she shouldn't care as much when she has already decided that there's no future for him and her. She just hopes that the very thought of it didn't bother her as it does right now because truth be told she wasn't really sure if she could handle seeing him in pain.

Especially because of her.

"Excuse me sir, I didn't mean to overhear your conversation with Miss Snow but did you say you're her soulmate?" Tess said, a fond smile spreading on her face as she looked at the pair before her.

Caitlin didn't know why but somehow she had an idea on what her expression meant.

"Yeah, we just found out earlier when she…" He gulped, a blush creeping up his face that Caitlin shouldn't have found so adorable but unfortunately, she did. Heavens, just a few hours with this man and look at what he had turned her into. He starts to babble and when she felt that he's about to embarrass them both by using the words 'birthday suit' and 'candle holder', she interrupted him again.

"I think what he wanted to say is that he was the other name listed in the reservations." She said which Barry just agreed on.

"Oh, what a coincidence!" Tess all but smiled and clapped in bliss, being witness to the rare occurrence of people finding their soulmate in their hotel. "But you know what they say, it's more than a coincidence when two people are meant to just find one another. I'm so happy for the two of you."

"Thank you. It took us both by surprise but I'd say it's one of the most wonderful surprises I've had in my life." Barry said, looking at her meaningfully that almost made her want to say and think the same.

"Ah, young love. You know my husband had been my soulmate, too." Tess reminisced, having a faraway look in her eyes as she continued, "And I guess it's safe to say that meeting him is the best thing that happened in my life. I hope the same goes for the two you."

"I hope so, too." Barry smiled at her, the smile that's more than enough to melt the icy interior surrounding her heart and it jolted her back to the reality that it couldn't be.

She stayed silent as Tess continued on congratulating them, sending her hopes and wishes in every sincere word.

"So, about the penthouse suite Miss Snow and-" She took a quick check on the computer, "Mr. Allen?"

"Yeah, that's me." Barry smiled.

"Are we still going to make other arrangements or are you two okay with your present situation?"

"It's fine-"

"I don't think-"

Their individual answers made them look at each other, Barry's face in utter confusion while Caitlin's just plain professional.

"Excuse us Tess but we'll have to talk about it first. Thank you for assisting us." Caitlin said, straightening up her sundress that had been ruffled when she went out earlier.

"No problem, Miss Snow. Again, we're terribly sorry for the miscue." She apologized although in Caitlin's opinion, she doesn't seem so sorry at all. She didn't know how to feel about that really.

"Mr. Allen, shall we?"

* * *

The elevator ride was silent, neither one of them had the courage to break the ice as they both contemplated on where they would go from here. Two different scenarios played in their mind, one full of hope and possibilities while the other was troubled and doubtful.

Barry had the sudden urge to take her hand in his, knowing that they could feel whether the other is in trouble or in despair. Even though their bond was just beginning to form between them, he felt like he could already read her like an open book.

He noticed the way she bites her lip whenever she's bothered by something or the way she scrunches up her nose when she tends to think otherwise. He didn't know whether he'd be proud of himself for knowing those things about her in such a short period of time or would he be weirded out for acting like an obsessed stalker when it comes to her. Nevertheless, he knew it would be delightful for him to know her better.

He watched as she fidgets with her left ring finger throughout the whole elevator ride, wondering whether the newly found sensation in it had brought her the same comfort and peace he found in his. He wanted to see his name on that finger for himself, wanted to make sure that she's his as much as he's hers. But before he could make a move, the elevator dinged and Caitlin was out the second the doors slide open.

Barry trailed after her, copying her movements as she plopped down the couch in the living room. She took the far end of the seat while he took the other one, afraid he might scare her if he accidently takes her into his arms and never let go.

He studied her as she worried her bottom lip yet again, then took the initiative to start the conversation they most definitely need.

"So…what do you want to talk about?" He asked, his eyes trailing from the couch to her eyes carefully, afraid he might wake up upon seeing her face just like he had in those dreams.

She met his gaze and her lip trembled for what she expects this conversation would end. "First, I wanted to apologize."

His brows furrowed, "For what?"

"For…" She took a deep breath, "For running away. It's just that the situation earlier, it's too much for me to handle."

"Oh." Was the only thing that he managed to say, remembering how much he'd embarrassed himself in front of her. So much for establishing a solid first impression to his very own soulmate.

He cleared his throat, "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable." Then he smiled apologetically at her. "But I swear I don't do stuff like that on my first encounter with people. I'm not the _flashy_ type if you know what I mean."

He knew that the moment the words left his mouth, he's in for a big trouble. Of all the words, he just had to use that one and the way Caitlin's brows shot up to her forehead and the widening of her eyes told him how deep he'd dug the grave for himself.

"No! No, it's not what I meant!" He slid on the couch so he was closer to her, that way he felt he could communicate with her much better. "It's just that you attacked me and I just let my instincts kick in, not realizing that I was indecent when I disarmed you and for that I'm sorry." He ran a through his hair in an attempt to calm himself. "And also for the thing that happened before that. I know I should've kept the towel close to me-"

"Don't worry about it, okay? It's nothing." Caitlin decided to get past through the awkwardness of the conversation once and for all, before this man digs a deeper hole for them to fall into.

Barry looked at her indifferently, "It's _nothing_?"

Caitlin blushed a deep shade of red on how he had mistaken her words because what she saw is definitely not nothing. She had been a doctor long enough to make comparisons for a decent percentage of the male population to say the least, not that she's _comparing_ in the first place but she could say he's above average, _way above_ average if she's being accurate. Although, she would never admit that to him or to herself for that matter.

"No! I-it's definitely _something_ but that's not the point here." She shrugged, trying to act calm and collected when in truth, she's an explosive mess inside. How dare this man make her talk about something like this with no shame whatsoever for her well-being.

"Well, uhm, thanks." He replied, smiling shyly at her but deep inside, he's making a small happy dance for he knew he didn't disappoint.

Caitlin just nodded back, wanting to smack herself for indulging herself with this kind of conversation when clearly, she has more important things she'd rather be talking about.

Clearing her throat for the umpteenth time, she said. "Mr. Allen, I don't think it's a good idea that we live in the same room during our stay here."

"Why not?" He asked, trying his best not to be offended upon being called in a very casual manner as Mr. Allen. Do soulmates really treat their other half as this? Weren't they supposed to be jumping for joy, cherishing each other like they couldn't keep their hands to themselves?

"One, we barely know each other. I don't think it's appropriate for the two of us to-"

"But we're soulmates! Don't you think that maybe this is the best thing that could ever happen to us?" He was surprised by the tone of his voice. Never did he sound so demanding nor lose his cool just like that in his entire life but maybe having this soulmate bond work had his system changing a bit.

And the thought of losing her just as he had her scared him straight through the core.

Caitlin could the despair he's feeling right now, shaking her head in disappointment for she knew she's the reason for it. But nevertheless, she tells herself that it's better this way. Cut the roots off before they had even started growing for it'll be less painful than to uproot a full-grown tree.

"I know but it's not that simple."

He wanted to ask why and he wanted to hear answers that would make sense. But as his eyes followed the movement of her hand, from fidgeting with her left ring finger to combing through he caramel locks in anguish, he wished it didn't have to make sense this way.

"You're…you're engaged."


	3. Chapter 3

"You're…you're engaged."

It wasn't a question.

Silence enveloped the two of them as they sat side by side, only to feel so far away emotionally. Caitlin found herself in a rare situation as she found herself speechless when she usually had the answers at the tip of her tongue. But this time, she knew, it wasn't an equation waiting to be solved. And in all honesty she didn't know what to make of this situation.

Barry, on the hand, had been feeling almost the same except for the stinging feeling of pain, of rejection that wasn't even said but he could feel it all the same. He waited for this moment since he was seven, has waited for _her_ since he knew what love actually meant.

Although it was embarrassing to admit, he had come up with countless different scenarios in his head, had imagined each one so vividly. But never had he seen this one coming, for it had to be the odd one out and he's afraid he knows exactly why.

It's the only one which didn't seem to end the way he wanted, the one without a happy ending.

Running a hand through his hair, he noticed the way Caitlin fidgets with the ring on her finger. It must've been her way of finding comfort and he winces in irony for he does just the same, only with her name in that finger and not a ring to cover it up.

He decided that this was it and he remembered what his mother said about it not being all sunshine and rainbows and sometimes, he's got to weather the storm. But right now, he doesn't think he has what it takes to endure against that avalanche when it had hit him right at his weak spot, leaving him vulnerable and raw.

"I…I have to go."

Upon hearing those words, Caitlin almost felt like breaking down. It had been the very words she last heard from him and right now, she's terrified that it might be the last she'll hear from the man who she knew deserved the world, deserved anything better than her.

She felt the weight beside her lift, leaving her empty and alone like she never felt before. She blamed it on the soulmate bond because there's no way she could ever feel this way towards someone she just met, could she? Even when this certain someone had been so warm, caring and understanding towards her.

Somehow, she wished he had been different – like he could've been less earnest, less sincere, less _him_. But she knew deep down she wouldn't have him any other way. She just hoped he didn't have that instant effect on her that took her completely by surprise.

She heard him enter a room, probably the one where he left his belongings in. It wasn't a moment longer when he's bidding her goodbye and she could only do nothing but nod. Not knowing what she's really throwing away in that crucial moment.

"I guess I'll be seeing you around then." He said, clutching his messenger bag in one hand and his suitcase with the other. He couldn't bear to look her in the eye as he bid her farewell, knowing it might break his resolve and stay when she didn't want him to.

Caitlin just looked at his defeated form, unsure of what it is she's feeling right now that's oddly familiar within her. All she knows is that, she isn't entirely at peace with her decision but as per usual, she brushes it off, thinking that it'll be better for them this way.

"Yeah. I'm really sorry that it didn't came out the way you expected it to be."

He meets her eye for the first and last time as he spoke, "Maybe you just can't entrust everything to destiny, can you?"

He flashed her a sad smile and it took everything in her not to rush to him and engulf him in a comforting hug, just as her body screams for her to do. It was agonizing on her part to see him in pain and if she could, she never would've think twice to give them both a shot.

But she can't. Not right now.

Caitlin found herself not able to answer and he took it as a cue to leave her in peace.

"Bye, Cait."

It was only her first day in this island and a lot has happened already. What she thought would be a peaceful and healing vacation has turned out to be the complete opposite. She felt as if she has gained more luggage instead of decreasing them, each one piling up only to press down on her already battered heart.

Somehow, she managed to busy herself with unpacking, making herself useful for she decided that this escapade of hers wouldn't be for nothing. It's already been nine months and maybe Cisco is right when he told her that maybe, it's time for her to accept the fact – not entirely move on but just start with the simple step of recognition.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, recognizing that she had been the one delaying the healing process herself. It had been tiring, painstaking and agonizing all at the same time – a complete torture she felt she needed to go through and she did. She had surpassed all of those things for the last nine months, now it's time to move on.

With renewed strength and a newfound hope of fixing herself, she removed the engagement ring on her finger for the first time in nine months - revealing a blank ink of a name that strangely became an instant inspiration to her beat-up heart.

"Barry."

* * *

Later that night, Caitlin stared blankly on the ceiling, wide awake as her mind couldn't seem to stop thinking. Ever since her soulmate left (the word still feels foreign yet calming in a sense), she felt as if a part of her went with him.

It's crazy to feel that way though - she just met him, literally not a day ago so why does she long for him with such intensity she couldn't even describe?

As a matter of habit, she caresses her left ring finger with her other hand, surprised not to feel the cool metal there and yet still feel that sense of comfort if not more. She abruptly sat up on her bed, guilt washing over her as she was reminded of the events earlier.

Now that she thought about it, she realized how much of an awful person she was to him. Despite her justified excuse of them living together is clearly inappropriate, it doesn't change the fact that she did kick him out. She knew it wasn't his fault that they ended up sharing the same suite but in her attempt to 'preserve' what's left of her, she did what she thought was the only way to get rid of him. Physically, that is, because even though she tried so hard to deny it, he still hounds her heart and mind.

Thoughts of what he's going through right now kept playing on her head - is he okay? Did he find another place to stay? Has he eaten? Is he-

Ugh, she stopped herself from worrying too much. But it was only short-lived when she felt the beating of her heart going faster and faster. She's a doctor for heaven's sake but she knew there's nothing logical nor scientific with the way her hearts thumps erratically. What she knows for sure is that he might be in trouble and partly (rather largely), it's because of her.

She immediately changed into a more decent outfit before storming out of the room, heading straight towards the elevator as she chewed her lower lip. She immediately got out of the lift as soon as she heard the ding, letting out a sigh of relief when she saw Tess still manning the front desk.

"Tess, hi." She said, nervously tucking a loose curl behind her ear.

"Ms. Snow, it's already late in the evening. Is everything okay?" The older woman asked worried.

"Uhm, yeah. I'm fine. I just wanted to ask something. It may be a long shot but do you happen to see Mr. Allen around here?"

Tess' eyes softened at her question, "Oh, Mr. Allen has checked out hours ago. Said he'd just find another place to check in. I don't mean to be intrusive but I reckon things didn't go smoothly between you two?"

Caitlin nodded her head slowly, eyes darting down to her feet. "Yeah. Something like that. We, uhm, we didn't quite thought things through. Especially on my part, I think."

The woman just nodded her head in understanding, "I see. But you know, it's never too late fix things. You just have to take the initiative to actually do something."

Caitlin felt like there's more to her words than she let on but she disregarded it for the meantime. For now, she just needs to know whether Barry's fine or not.

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks Tess."

* * *

After walking for sometime, Caitlin found herself at the entrance of some local beachside bar, convinced that her feet brought her here for some reason.

Looking down at her outfit, she knew she's very much under dressed for any occasion for that matter but she set the thought aside, knowing she has more important things to prioritize other than walking into a bar in a shirt and sweatpants.

She immediately looked around the bar, hoping to find anything at this point. She felt it was futile to look for someone she barely knows at a place she isn't familiar with at the same time but there's something drawing her here. And sure enough, she found him sitting at the bar, making her sigh in relief for such luck.

The moment she noticed that she's walking towards him was the same moment she realized that she really didn't know what she would say nor what her intentions were. All she knows is that she needed to find him, make sure he's alright and by the looks of it, he's certainly not in trouble.

That is until he started talking to the chicken wings.

Caitlin had to blink once, twice for good measure as she snuck up on him, making sure she wasn't mistaking what she just saw. For the first time since she arrived and in all honesty, in those nine months, she found herself suppressing a laugh - a genuine laugh at the sight before her.

Taking a good look, she saw that his face is smudged with sauce, as well as his hands as he continued to inanimatedly converse with food. Concern took place when she realized how drunk he was and what's worse, she found his luggage sitting beside his stool.

She was about to finally approach him when the bartender beat her to it, probably declining Barry of another drink he ordered. He visibly sulked, ranting to the wings again and Caitlin felt like if they were on a very different situation, she would've find him adorable.

"You know, everyone seems to despise me. You see-" He pointed out to the bartender with a chicken wing on his hand. "-this noble bartender here just declined to give me another drink. Says I'm way too drunk for another one."

The bartender is a middle-aged man, showing genuine concern as he just tapped Barry on the shoulder, shaking his head a bit as he chuckled at him.

"Young man, I think you should call it a night." He said. "Do you have any other place to stay?"

"I did. But since I- oh! Frank, did I tell you I met my soulmate?" He beamed.

"Yeah, you've been talking about her nonstop since you came here." The bartender sighed and Caitlin got the hunch that Barry had been in this bar for a while now. Then he continued dismissively, "And I'm sure she's the reason why you're drowning yourself in alcohol right now."

When she heard that, the guilt she's been feeling had ballooned ten more times. She knew her rejection had affected him, she just wasn't sure it affected him this much. She sat on one of the barstools in Barry's blindside, pondering when would be the best time to approach him.

Barry's demeanor has changed as he heard those words. "Yeah. I didn't think I've ever felt a pain like this ever in my life." He dropped his head down in sorrow, "She's just so beautiful, you know? So _so_ beautiful, I think…do you think I'm not handsome enough for her? Am I…am I ugly?"

Frank, the bartender, chuckled again, thinking how this man in front of him could be the most dramatic drunk he had encountered yet. And mind you, he had a lot of experiences with whiny teenagers – most of them girls.

"You see, Chicky? Now Frank's laughing at me. You're the only who understood and appreciated me." Chicky – as Catlin perceived – was what he named the sole buffalo wing in his hand. "My own soulmate didn't even want me." He shook his head. "I've waited my whole life for her you know? Gosh, I even saved myself just for her. I thought-"

At that moment, Caitlin decided to let her presence be felt. She cleared her throat, taking the chicken wing from Barry's hand as she laid a hand on his forearm. She knew if she didn't stop him, she's in for much more guilt trip and what's worse, he had every right to make her feel that way. "Barry, it's me Caitlin. Come on, I'll take you back to the hotel."

Barry whipped his head at her direction, too drunk and baffled to register that she's really here. "Caitlin? Is that really you?"

"Yeah, come on. Let's get you-"

She was interrupted by him, gathering her up in his arms like he did earlier before. He clung to her like she was his lifeline and she was weak enough to resist from hugging back. She embraced him just a tightly and the fear and worry that had been haunting her since he left has automatically dissipated.

"I thought I'd never see you again. I thought you-"

"It's okay. I'm here."

She didn't care if he was reeking of alcohol, if the sauce somehow went to her hair or if she just said something she was terrified of saying out loud – what mattered, right now, is that he's here with her and she had vowed to be with him as well.

Whether as a soulmate, friend or something more, she can't know for now.

But she'll be there, that's for sure.

* * *

 **AN: Ah, yes! Almost done with the angst and on to more fluffy moments. Apologies for the late update but I'll be posting another chapter sooner or later. Thanks for the lovely reviews as always!**

 **-A**


	4. Chapter 4

The sun rays peeping through the blinds graced his sleeping form, tickling his cheeks as his eyelids fluttered open ever so gently. He could hear the waves crashing to the shore, lulling him back to sleep but there was a greater temptation that forced him to keep his eyes open – his Caitlin is sleeping peacefully beside him.

 _He must be dreaming again._

Despite the thought, he couldn't help but smile. At least he could have moments like this with her. Moments where he could just stare at her, admire her not from a distance but to actually be within arm's reach. Moments where he could feel his warmth mingling with hers, her hand resting on top of his beating heart where it truly belonged. Moments where he gets to call her his.

He mustered the courage to hover a hand above her face, stopping in mid-air for the fear of waking up. Usually, it was times like this – when he's about to reach out – that the dream shatters, bringing him back to the sad, painful reality he was currently in.

So, he lowered his hand in caution, content with just staring for the time being but when a stray auburn lock fell on her cheek, he was weak to fight the urge to fix it so he did. Holding his breath, he slowly reach his hand out, praying that he won't be waking up soon. He let out a sigh of relief when he didn't, smiling to himself as he was filled with a newfound courage to do more.

He slipped an arm around her waist, drawing her closer as she gladly snuggled up to him in return. He couldn't contain his joy at the simple gesture, revelling in this moment as much as he can. He boldly kissed her forehead, low-key sniffing her hair in hopes of remembering much of this paradise when he wakes up.

A sudden thought went through his mind, blushing at what he just thought about but he took the courage to lean forward, hovering his lips just centimeters above hers as he whispered, "You look like a dream, my Cait."

He was about to capture her lips with his when her eyes suddenly fluttered open, blinking a few times before focusing on him as she let out a raspy, "Barry?"

"Yeah. It's me, my love." He said, stroking her cheek as he smiled up to her.

He watched as her brows furrow in confusion, tilting her head a little and asked, "You're not supposed to be drunk anymore, are you?"

She leaned backward to examine him, drawing back her hand to herself as she rubbed her eyes to assess him further. He wanted to complain at the sudden loss of her warmth, itching to bring her back to the safety of his arms. But before he could do anything, the pounding on his head started mercilessly, making him groan as he clutched his temple with one hand. He fell back on his pillow, closing his eyes as he tried to make sense of what was happening.

"Ugh..." He grunted, thoughts going haywire as the hammering in his head continued. Things aren't supposed to be like this – not in his usual dreams, anyway. He'd always end up waking up-

Wait, unless…this wasn't a dream?!

Barry shot up quickly than Caitlin could blink. The sudden movement almost causing him a whiplash but it hurt all the same since there's still this horrendous headache he's currently sporting. He eyed Caitlin sheepishly, looking for anything that could somehow give him a clue to what is happening or what _did_ happen, but he ended up with nothing.

Until he realized that he was naked and Caitlin… _Caitlin is wearing one of his shirts_.

 _This must be a dream. This must be a dream. This must be-_

"Barry? Are you okay?" Caitlin asked, leaning towards him ever so slowly that somewhere between his massive hangover and his racing heart, the gesture triggered the alarm bells to ring inside his head.

"Please don't take advantage of my weakness!" He closed his eyes firmly, clutching the blanket tighter as he curled into a ball, pushing himself towards the far corner of the bed away from her.

"I'm just gonna-"

She was about to reach out again, her legs moving outside the blanket he just hogged, flexing to come closer to his side but he interrupted her again.

"No!" He exclaimed, "I know we're soulmates and all and we could be very susceptible to _urges_ like this but you have to understand that I'm a man of honor and my mom would be very upset is she finds out that I slept with-"

"Barry, what are you talking about?"

He could feel her touch in his exposed arm, immediately calming him down and coaxing him to finally open his eyes and meet her worried ones.

"I'm just going to get you water and Tylenol from the nightstand. I've suspected that your hangover would be this bad considering the amount of alcohol you drank last night."

"Oh…so you're not trying to take advantage of me?" He asked sheepishly, eyes darting anywhere but hers. He knew it was the most ridiculous thing he just accused of someone, let alone his soulmate but he just needed to know. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he couldn't even remember his first time happening…

He was brought out of his thoughts by the most angelic giggle he ever heard, drawing his focus to her and only her.

"You're actually kind of funny, you know?" She asked, smile still plastered on her face and he just found himself outright ogling her. It may be embarrassing and she might find it creepy but he didn't mind. She's just very _ogle-able_ – if that's even a word.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just noticed you don't smile too much." He blushed at his own words, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "And you really look more beautiful when you do."

"Uhm, thanks." She bit her lip at his words, the way her heart skipped a beat was too wonderful of a feeling to deny.

Minutes passed by and both of them just stayed silent until Barry broke it, preventing this amazing moment to turn into an awkward one.

"So…I hope I didn't make that much mess of myself yesterday?"

"You really don't remember anything?"

Barry just shook his head, silently praying to the high heavens that he hadn't embarrassed himself that much. Caitlin just graced him with another rare smile of hers, leaning over to get the glass of water and a tablet of Tylenol and gave it to him.

"I think it's best you take this first." She teased.

He pouted at her, "That bad?"

"Uhm, I know I'm not much of a singer so forgive me if this will aggravate your already punishing headache but here goes-" She cleared her throat before she continued, "- _Summer lovin'…_ "

He knew he had an ear for singing and definitely hers isn't that on point but boy, everything about her is just so heavenly. He forced himself not to stare once again and the oncoming memory had been of great help.

He visibly cringed at the recollection, "That I do remember. But how did I end up…" He trailed off, his eyes darting down to his body as he tried to convey the message to her without much words.

Caitlin's eyes widened at what he was hinting at, blushing at the events from last night.

"Oh, that's a long story."

* * *

" _Let's get back to the hotel alright?"_

 _She gently pulled away from the hug, holding one of his arms as she coaxed him to get out of the bar with her. His face is full of emotions as he stared at her, something is brewing inside his eyes but she couldn't quite comprehend what it was._

 _He pursed his lips, showing a little hesitation when he asked, "You're letting me come with you?"_

" _Yeah. You booked that suite, too. It's only the right thing to do since it seems you don't have anywhere else to stay."_

 _Something flickered in his eyes, somewhere between sadness and disappointment but she can't be so sure. Besides, it might just be the alcohol taking over his emotions._

" _Oh, okay." He nodded. "But I need to go to the restroom first."_

" _Sure, just be careful, alright?"_

 _Caitlin watched as Barry slowly trudged his way to the restroom, her eyes following his form worriedly as he kept on swinging a little back and forth. She would've volunteered to come with him but the thought just seemed a little inappropriate at that time._

 _Her attention was then redirected when someone called her. Turning around, she noticed that it was Frank, the bartender that looked after Barry before she arrived._

" _Caitlin, right?" He asked, leaning on the counter as he looked at her with gentle eyes._

" _Yeah, that's me. And you're Frank, isn't it?"_

 _Frank nodded, "Pleasure to meet you, Caitlin." He extended a hand towards her which she gladly shook. "You know, I thought that Barry must've been exaggerating when he boasted about how beautiful you looked but I guess he wasn't overstating one bit."_

 _Caitlin ducked her head in gratitude. Even with the achievements she had in her life, it never failed to make her feel like that shy teenager nerd she was before whenever someone sincerely compliments her._

" _Thanks, Frank." She said. "And for looking after him. Who knows what could've happened if you let him drink more than what he already consumed."_

" _That's not a problem." He shrugged, "He showed up here with a luggage looking lost. And when he sat down in front of the counter, I instantly knew he was upset about something."_

" _That's because we, uh, we kinda-"_

" _Hey, you don't have to explain, alright? It's between the two of you anyways." He smiled in understanding. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I barely know him but I could feel he's a good guy. Will do everything for the sake of someone he loves."_

 _Caitlin pondered on his words. She didn't know him that well, she barely does actually but she gets the feeling that he is right. Before she could reply, he name boomed from the speakers around the bar._

" _Caitlin Snow! Come on down! Or up? Come up here with me!"_

" _Barry?"_

 _Caitlin looked bewildered when he saw Barry, beyond tipsy and all, holding a microphone at the center of the stage, smiling goofily at her._

" _Come on, sing with me." He squealed, his hand waving at her to come over. When she shook her head, Barry pouted but he did something that made her curse under her breath. She never liked being at the center of attention then and that didn't change until now._

" _Caitlin! Caitlin! Caitlin!" He chanted, urging the crowd to join him._

 _Caitlin could only sigh but she followed him up the stage, taking the spare mic from the stand. She would've scolded Barry then but she simply can't when he's smiling like that – so wide and uncaring like he didn't have any problems at all. Shaking her head, she returned his smile and they began to sing._

 _You know the rest._

 _After their performance, the crowd applauded and it didn't take a genius to know that it's because of Barry's surprisingly amazing voice._

" _For someone so drunk, you sure do have a great voice." She nudged him a little, making him smile even wider._

" _Why, thank you milady." He slurred and Caitlin took that as a cue to take him home. For real this time._

 _Before they got off the stage, however, someone from the crowd called up, asking Barry a question._

" _Hey man, is she your girlfriend?"_

" _Nooo…" Barry replied, snaking an arm around Caitlin as he pulled her closer. "She's my soulmate."_

 _His answer drew a collective "aww" from the crowd, together with cheering and wolf whistles from some men._

" _Oh, but she's already engaged to another man so…" He tapped a finger on his chin, pursing his lips as he looked thoughtful. The crowd then let out a collective "aww" but for an entirely different reason this time._

 _Caitlin just shook her head, ignoring the looks from other people and preventing Barry from entertaining more of their questions. She literally dragged Barry down from the stage and onto the exit, making a call to the hotel's concierge to take care of his luggage._

" _Barry, come on. It's time for us to go."_

 _He soundlessly nodded and after a lot of stumbling and detours, they finally made it back to their hotel. Caitlin quickly sat him down on the couch, taking off his shoes and socks to somehow give him relief. She made her way to the bathroom, getting a wet cloth to rid his face of the sauce as well as his hands._

" _Come here, Barry." She held his face with one to steady him while the other went to wipe the stains away. While she does, Barry kept on fighting with staying awake, his eyes droopy as he stared at her._

" _My hero." He mumbled, smiling dopily at her._

 _She wished she didn't blush at that but she did._

 _Now that she'd seen him up close, she couldn't deny how adorable he looked. He's really kinda cute and charming. Plus, those eyes are just so sincere, so mesmerizing – focus, Caitlin!_

 _She's not yet entitled to feel something towards someone, is she? Let alone feel anything for that matter but this man right here, he's really something else._

" _Caity, I don't feel so good." He mumbled, almost doubling over as he spoke._

 _Caitlin immediately dragged him to the bathroom but the sudden movement had him vomiting straight into her shirt and some in his._

" _Oh, Barry."_

* * *

"Oh god, I really did all of that?" He asked, willing for the blanket to swallow him whole. He couldn't just believe he did all of that – first impression be damned, indeed.

Not only did he _flash_ her the first time they saw each other (not intentionally of course), he also did embarrass himself by being a horrible drunk. Ugh, did he really just puke on her?

"Uhm-hm, among other things." She shrugged.

"There are other things?" His eyes widened at her response. Oh dear heavens, how is he going to live that down? And more importantly, how is he gonna charm her into thinking that he actually has a good reputation as a debonair gentleman?

"Yeah. But I guess, it's a story for another time." She paused and gestured to her current state. "I hope you don't mind me borrowing your shirt? I haven't unpacked yet and I was too exhausted to rummage through my luggage last night and since I've opened up yours, I thought I could just borrow from you."

"It's no problem at all." _I actually kind of liked it on you._

"Thanks." She already got out of the bed and went to the bathroom to freshen up. A few minutes later, she went to the door and asked, "Breakfast?"

He could only nod in response. Clearly, this wasn't the Caitlin he met yesterday. She seemed so distant then, so guarded that she couldn't even look him in the eye. Now, she looked more radiant, warm and welcoming towards him. He wondered what had changed and how could it happen overnight? Perhaps, something had happened that made her change and he was dying to know what it was.

He was brought out of her reverie when she spoke, her body almost halfway out the door. Only her left hand was holding the door open. "I'll wait for you in the kitchen, alright?"

He nodded but then, something caught his eyes.

"Caitlin?"

"Yeah?"

"Where…where's your ring?"


End file.
